Survivors of Incest Anonymous 



We Define Incest Very Broadly

     
       

for adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse

A SIA World Service Conference Roundtable Discussion:

  • 06 Jan 2013
  • 4:00 PM - 6:30 PM
  • To Participate: Dial 1-218-936-4700; then press 673296

A SIA World Service Conference Roundtable Discussion:

The Critical Role of Re-parenting in Recovering From Childhood Sexual Abuse & How to Become a Loving Inner  Parent to All of Your Inner Kids

(Chapter 9 in Hope Heals: The SIA Gold Book)

Purpose:

To create text for the SIA Big Book, Hope Heals

The SIA WSC Literature Committee & Big Book Subcommittee is seeking your assistance in making our dream of an SIA Big Book come to life. To help with the creation of this text, we are conducting a series of discussions by experienced SIA members about various chapters in the book. You may listen in and participate in these discussions. Each discussion will be two hours in length and non-speaker panel members are encouraged to participate during the last portion of the meeting. Additionally, all SIA members are encouraged to share their experience, strength and hope in written form with the committee.*

 

Roundtable Particulars: 

Date: Sunday, 1/06/13

Time:

4:00 P.M. – 6:30 P.M. Eastern Time

1:00- 3:30 P.M. Pacific Time

To Participate: Dial 1-218-936-4700; then press 673296

* If you’d like to participate in a future WSC SIA Roundtable Discussion as a Speaker Panel Member, feel free to contact Becky (beckysiawso@gmail.com)or John+ (siasocalintergroup@hotmail.com)

To read the in depth topic description and questions that panelists will be answering and that you can send in SIA Big Book submissions about, please click on the link below.

Topic Background & Questions Panelists Will Address

The Critical Role of Re-parenting in Recovering From Childhood Sexual Abuse & How to Become a Loving Inner  Parent to All of Your Inner Kids

“Once upon a time there was a little one who was betrayed, hurt, abandoned and neglected by caregivers who were supposed to protect that extraordinary child. In order to survive, this miraculous child decided to leave. S/he took the pain, memories and ran away, leaving behind another child who could believe that childhood was a happy time and that mom and dad were safe. This is the hurt child that I seek to show up for daily because this child protected me then and needs my support today. Without my loving comfort, this child will never move past his pain. And without opening up my arms to receive my inner child’s pain, I, the adult, will never discover the joy, playfulness and humor that are my birthright.”   

   --A Survivor Quote submitted to Hope Heals about Reparenting

The previous quote points to an essential fact for survivors. In order to survive childhood sexual abuse, our psyches fractured. In some of us there are two to three pieces and in others of us, hundreds.  Our psyches fractured in many ways. With many of us, the children we were split in two  parts and one of them went away in an attempt to make it possible for the child who had to continue to live in the word to be able to do so. That child who went away had to depart because parents and caregivers were unable to show up for the pain that abuse created. In one room of the house of self there can be memories, in another a hurting child who was abandoned emotional by parents and who felt inconsolable because that child’s parents refused to show up for the pain that abuse created. In many survivors other fractured pieces of self developed into critical parts. Often survivors have both critical children and adults. Both the critical child and adult  attempt to create safety by making other parts feel disempowered and inadequate. The motive force that drives critical parts’ responses is safety and protection. Keeping the hurt inner child from voicing understandable reactions of grief, anger and fear maintains safety because the child from being noticed. Since they were incapable of showing up for their inner kids, they often had to smash our needs in order to continue to run from their pain. Similarly, critical voices can be repositories where our perpetrators lies about us were deposited.  These lies play like broken records in our heads because it maintains a relationship, however tenuous and dysfunctional, with people our hurt little girls and boys have always wanted to have a relationship with. The possibilities for internal fracturing in survivors are wide, and varied. Some of us developed multiple personalities and have many children and adult parts. However, regardless of how our psyches were split by the abuse, there are commonalties between all these parts that comprise the self. First, all of these parts exist for a purpose: to keep self safe from pain. Second, these parts methods are diverse, some function in healthy manners some operate in less than healthy manners. From an SIA perspective there are several tenants to doing inner parts/inner child work. At the heart of these tenants is that the conscious, healing adult must become aware of these parts of self, work with them, and bring them together so that an inner atmosphere of trust and cooperation can be created. For healing to occur, there are steps that we take. First, we accept the basic premise that parts exist and they perform a function in the psyche. Second, we come to accept the premise of those who’ve done years of work with trauma healing that each of these parts of self (inner child, critical child/parent, loving inner parent and various other personalities) exists for the purpose of keeping self safe. Third, we begin to work with the inner selves and allow our growing/healing/loving adult self to receive the pain, anger, terror and shame that various parts contain. At the same time, we learn to allow adult self to nurture the various hurts our inner parts contain.

Simply stated, reparenting and parts work is at the core of healing from the wounds of childhood sexual abuse. It is a pathway for learning to provide self with the love and nurturing that every survivor deserves in abundance. Perhaps, most significantly, inner dialoguing and parenting work helps survivors to move past their pain by revealing that inside of many of these split off parts of self, there is not only pain but also, possibility. Behind the grief and terror are playfulness, serenity, joy, esteem and humor. Parts work is essential and our panel on January 6th will share how they’re helping their inner kids to heal.

 

Topics

  • Nature of the inner child(ren)/inner aspects/other personalities: How they’re created, types & purposes
  • Creating contact with inner children and personalities: issues & challenges.
  • Working with critical parts and parts that act out
  • Why working with inner children/other parts is foundational in sexual abuse recovery work and the benefits of doing this type of work

Questions for Consideration

  • Why is inner child/inner parts work an essential aspect of your recovery?
  • Who is/are your inner children and/or other parts/personalities?
  • What challenges/difficulties did you face when first beginning to work with your inner children/parts? How did you establish contact with your inner child(ren)/parts?
  • What do you do to help your inner child(ren)/parts cope with the pain and trauma they contain?
  • How do you work with inner parts that are critical or who engage in “ism” reactions?
  • What’s hardest for the adult you about doing inner child(ren)/parts work?
  • What’s a sample of an inner child(ren)/parts dialogue you’d care to share that helped both you and your inner child(ren)/parts to cope with a PTSD trigger?
  • How do you bring your inner child(ren) and parts into your step work?
  • What gifts have you received as a result of doing inner child(ren)/parts work?

Join Us In February & March for Our Next Gold Book Roundtables!

Sunday, Feb. 3:      Co-dependency & the Incest Survivor; Issues with Setting Safe Boundaries, Why boundaries are Important & How to go About Setting Them.

Sunday, March 3:   Working with Triggers & Emotional Relationship PTSD Issues: How to Become Your Best Friend When Panic Overwhelms

 

 

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All rights reserved.  Permission to reprint granted only in writing.


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